(no subject)

[kikotei]

I really, really hate living with my parents. Dad and I get along fine. Mom and I on the other hand, don't.

And I really don't want to talk to her anymore tonight. >_<

She spent the last few minutes trying to encourage me. However she did nothing but make me feel like shit.

I know better than anyone else that I need to lose weight. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I really should be. But mom's style of encouragement makes me feel like I've suddenly gained the weight all of a sudden. She ranted and spoke just below a yell. Saying that I should eat less, go out and do more, join groups. Yadda, yadda.

And now all I want to do is the opposite of every thing she told me. I just want to lock myself in my room and not go anywhere.

Every feeling of self loathing and hating my own body and what it looks like right back. And I spent so many years trying to get out of that teenage angst.


[EDIT] And now I just did get yelled at. All I wear is long jeans and dark t-shirts, and that, to her, looks ugly. Thinking that I was blaming her for feeling like shit, and that I never tell her anything, only what she needs to know. And that I've wasted everyone's time and money and my life. Of course I only tell her everything. Everything else I either get that treatment or I get the bored look. I also, never help around here. Sad thing is that everytime I try to help, I get yelled at.

I need to get out of here. But in this ass backwards town on a Friday night, everything is closed. I'm so upset that my hands are shaking trying to type this. I need a quiet place to cry.

Comments

[madamhydra.livejournal.com]

::massive huggle::

I sort of understand how you feel. My parents went through a phase when they were CONSTANTLY harping on my weight, bugging me to exercise or move around, and how was wasting my life and their hard work because I was going die young, etc. ::eyebrow twitch::

As for the never-ending howling about optimum weight, obesity epidemic, national health emergency... I've totally had it with the scare tactics. There's no point in fighting to lose a few points if it makes you miserable and neurotic.

I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but find your own comfort zone weight-wise and lifestyle-wise, and ignore the rest.

Hmmmm... will a new COI snippet make you feel a little better? ^_^;;;

[kikotei.livejournal.com]

::HUGS::

Yeah, totally agree on being miserable and neurotic. I'm already skating the edge on it. She just keeps pushing me farther and farther over.

I'm trying to make a point to exercise to at least tone the muscles back up, but weight loss is not the ultimate goal. A few pounds would be nice, but facts have to be faced. I'm Jewish. It's bound to happen eventually. I can't think of many Jewish women who don't gain weight like I do.

A COI snippet never hurts. ::grins::

[amet.livejournal.com]

That is exactly why I never spend more than a week at my parents' house anymore, ten minutes in a room with my mother and she's rehashed everything she thinks I've done wrong in the past twenty years just to see if she can affect me. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for my mother because she doesn’t know what the hell she wants from me except that I'm not doing it right, for shame. And most people I know have the same problem, because mother-logic does not bear any resemblance to our Earth logic, and they honestly don't understand that we actually listen to the crap they spew in the heat of the moment and that's why it hurts us so badly.

She doesn't get it. And I'm sorry she's being so callous towards you. I hope you're doing okay and that you can get a break from her drama soon. *snugs*

[kikotei.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't even have a normal conversation in the car with her. A twenty minute drive to the mall is a study in awkward silences. One of us usually winds up turning on the radio before too long.

Fortunately I'm getting a break. I'm taking a week and a half off work (my first real break off work in about 10 years, yay!) and if I can work it out I'll be spending very little of those 12 days in state.

[yami-tai.livejournal.com]

20 pounds? That is hardly overweight! That is cuddly *cuddles you*!

[kikotei.livejournal.com]

Heee! ::cuddlycuddly::

Still wish my mom would go back to her attempts at subtlty. Those were more amusing.

[genkisakka.livejournal.com]

::HUGS::

Sweetie, having seen you with my own eyes very recently, I say bollocks to the fat conversation. You. Are. NOT. Fat. And in my experience, most women think they need to lose twice as much weight as they really do, and when you cut that 20 in half, 10 extra pounds aren't really that big a deal, whether you choose to lose them or not.

Just concentrate on getting through the coming week, then you'll get to escape for quite awhile! ^_^ We should chat about that -- I'm going to visit my mum today, but I'll be back in the evening and will be around tomorrow.

[kikotei.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

Totally agree on the 10 pounds now that I think about it. My most comfortable weight was 160 in high school after I quit dance. I was 140 before that, and even my doctor (thank goodness for old doctors from Spanish speaking countries) thought 140 was too skinny. I think 170 would be a better weight for me at this point in my life.

Yeah, I should be around tonight, if I'm idle I'm more than likely putzing with the sewing machine, ding me and I'll be back. I should be around all day tomorrow. I may swing out to the fabric store at some point in the early afternoon to pick up a few last minute items. I can't wait to get out of here. My first real vacation in 10 years. And one that doesn't involve my family.