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Aug. 5th, 2005 07:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kikoteiI really, really hate living with my parents. Dad and I get along fine. Mom and I on the other hand, don't.
And I really don't want to talk to her anymore tonight. >_<
She spent the last few minutes trying to encourage me. However she did nothing but make me feel like shit.
I know better than anyone else that I need to lose weight. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I really should be. But mom's style of encouragement makes me feel like I've suddenly gained the weight all of a sudden. She ranted and spoke just below a yell. Saying that I should eat less, go out and do more, join groups. Yadda, yadda.
And now all I want to do is the opposite of every thing she told me. I just want to lock myself in my room and not go anywhere.
Every feeling of self loathing and hating my own body and what it looks like right back. And I spent so many years trying to get out of that teenage angst.
[EDIT] And now I just did get yelled at. All I wear is long jeans and dark t-shirts, and that, to her, looks ugly. Thinking that I was blaming her for feeling like shit, and that I never tell her anything, only what she needs to know. And that I've wasted everyone's time and money and my life. Of course I only tell her everything. Everything else I either get that treatment or I get the bored look. I also, never help around here. Sad thing is that everytime I try to help, I get yelled at.
I need to get out of here. But in this ass backwards town on a Friday night, everything is closed. I'm so upset that my hands are shaking trying to type this. I need a quiet place to cry.
And I really don't want to talk to her anymore tonight. >_<
She spent the last few minutes trying to encourage me. However she did nothing but make me feel like shit.
I know better than anyone else that I need to lose weight. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I really should be. But mom's style of encouragement makes me feel like I've suddenly gained the weight all of a sudden. She ranted and spoke just below a yell. Saying that I should eat less, go out and do more, join groups. Yadda, yadda.
And now all I want to do is the opposite of every thing she told me. I just want to lock myself in my room and not go anywhere.
Every feeling of self loathing and hating my own body and what it looks like right back. And I spent so many years trying to get out of that teenage angst.
[EDIT] And now I just did get yelled at. All I wear is long jeans and dark t-shirts, and that, to her, looks ugly. Thinking that I was blaming her for feeling like shit, and that I never tell her anything, only what she needs to know. And that I've wasted everyone's time and money and my life. Of course I only tell her everything. Everything else I either get that treatment or I get the bored look. I also, never help around here. Sad thing is that everytime I try to help, I get yelled at.
I need to get out of here. But in this ass backwards town on a Friday night, everything is closed. I'm so upset that my hands are shaking trying to type this. I need a quiet place to cry.
